Entry 901

In the fight to find myself,
I only faded further away from what defined me.

I thought I'd find that missing piece somewhere out there

in another place, with another person,

or in a certain moment in time.

I thought that in that distant,

lively crowd of sex crazed rebels was where that piece could be.

Amongst the smiles that surrounded me,

accompanied by hand-holding and lip grazing.

The nights only you, I, and God know of.

Every attempt to keep you close only seems to wear out whatever it is we have.

What breaks me down the most is not knowing when I actually lost myself.

At what point did the man in the mirror stop recognising me?

Surrounded by strangers whose blank stares remind me of my place.

The deflections, denial, and self-loathing.

I suppose darkness has a strange way of keeping its kind company.